| Friday, November 20, 2009 |
BLOGSPOTTER
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When CNN's Larry King recently admitted to Roseanne Barr he'd never used the Internet, I was more surprised to discover she writes a blog. Only one question remains: Will she be America's Next Top Blogging Celebrity?
To qualify for Blogspotter's inaugural Celeblog Invitational, bloggers' fame must predate their sites, they should post regularly, and they can't be famous primarily for writing books (including professional authors doesn't seem fair).
This year's champion — as long as it's Anna Kournikova or Alicia Keys — will accompany me to sunny Acapulco. (Any other winner can claim a two-for-one IHOP breakfast coupon on their next visit to Spokane.)
Ellen DeGeneres' Ellen's Blog v. Rosie O'Donnell's R Blog: Rosie's kooky free verse bests Ellen's promo pap.
Ken Jennings' Confessions of a Trivial Mind v. Pat Sajak's Sajak Says: Entertaining "Jeopardy" champ outspins drab Sajak.
David Byrne's Journal v. Moby's Journal: Ex-Talking Headsman provides a chewy read, while Moby is sparkier. It's Moby by a… hair.
Adam Curry's Curry.com v. Randy Jackson's Hit List: Former MTV VJ and podcasting "Podfather" smacks down the sanest judge on "American Idol". Sorry, dawg.
Zach Braff's ZachBraff.com v. Kevin Smith's My Boring-Ass Life v. Morgan Spurlock's indieWIRE Blog: In this indie-film director three-way, Spurlock scores by writing up his Fiji wedding and dreamy Braff draws hundreds of fawning comments. But Smith wins by embedding quirky video — and blogging on a regular basis.
Roseanne Barr's Roseanne's Blog v. Margaret Cho's Margaret's Blog: Both comedians prove comfortable in confessional mode, but Cho's funnier.
RuPaul's Reworked v. Gene Simmons' GeneSimmons.com: RuPaul's a better drag queen — and blogger — than the Kiss frontman, who posts too many fan letters.
Tom Green's TomGreen.com v. Bill Maher's HuffPo Blog: Maher comes out ahead with witty political riffs. Green, while amusing, blogs too much about his online talk show.
William Shatner's MySpace Blog v. George Takei's GeorgeTakei.com v. Wil Wheaton's WWdN: In Exile: Capt. Kirk sets his phaser to stun Lt. Sulu, but little Wesley Crusher has grown up to become a dedicated blogger. Advantage: Wheaton.Lisa Whelchel's Coffee Talk v. Alyssa Milano's AlyssaMilano.com: Blair Warner's sometimes-wacky take on the facts of Christian parenting life shows Sam Micelli who's the boss.
Alec Baldwin's HuffPo Blog v. Barbra Streisand's Statements v. Harry Shearer's HuffPo Blog: "Simpsons" star Shearer bests his fellow liberal performers with dedication and keen insight to back up his politics.
Alicia Keys' MySpace Blog v. Britney Spears' Stream of Consciousness: Judging by the lack of posts, Spears lost consciousness long ago. We're keying into Keys.
Dane Cook's MySpace Blog v. Joe Rogan's MySpace Blog: Of the two young comics, we'll give it to Cook because he tries so darn hard.
Barry Bonds' Barry's Journal v. Anna Kournikova's Journal: The slugger breaks news on his blog; Anna needs to work on her online serve.
Jeff Bridges' JeffBridges.com v. Ian McKellen's McKellen.com: The Dude gets personal by posting his drawings. Magneto's highly literate, but takes longish breaks. Color Bridges the victor.
Fred Durst's American Alien v. Barenaked Ladies' BNL Blog: The Ladies' witty musical musings beat Durst's dorm-room philosophizing.
Big WinnersOf the 16 quarterfinalists, Bridges, Cho, Jennings, Moby, Rosie, Shearer, Smith and the Barenaked Ladies show the posting stamina needed to advance.
That leads us to a Final Four of Cho, Moby, Rosie and Shearer — proving comedians and funny-looking bald musicians hold a celeblogging edge.
Cho and Ro muscle their way into the Finals on sheer outrageousness. Ultimately, though, O'Donnell's attempts to mine the poetic from every publicity train wreck leave the judges unable to look away.
Anything to say, champ?
"in unison/we give thanks/and pray/i hear the people sing"
This is indeed a proud day.