With Memorial Day weekend just a couple of weeks away, it's time to prepare your game plan for summer.
One time-honored approach involves unrealistic expectations.
With that in mind, The Slice has a few proposals. Feel free to pick and choose.
1. Retrace the entire Lewis and Clark route on foot.
2. Figure out the opposite sex.
3. Achieve a dermatologically safe glow.
4. Write the great American novel, about a lemonade stand in Post Falls.
5. Drive cross country with your family without losing it even once.
6. Without threatening to use chemicals, negotiate a lasting truce with the dandelions.
7. Come to terms with that one aspect of your appearance you really can't stand.
8. Keep softball in perspective.
9. Reconcile your love of RVing with your desire to be seen as rockin'.
10. Keep lake water out of your ears.
11. Consistently sink 8-foot putts.
12. Land a sizable grant in recognition of your groundbreaking work in the Wiffle ball arts.
Mother's Day love-gift idea for mothers of baby boomers: If you know that it's really what she would prefer, allow Mom to knock herself out preparing a big meal for the extended family. Don't even nag her about the absurdity of her continuing to toil at the stove while everyone else sits down and starts to eat.
Mother's Day love-gift idea for the next generations: Refrain from asking Mom the following questions.
1. "Were you high when I was conceived?"
2. "Did it ever occur to you that I might have preferred a name that people could spell?"
3. "Did you know that Grandma says women your age are going to spend decades paying for your arrogant dismissal of her generation's values?"
4. "So, about the only thing you did in the '60s to express your individuality was watch TV, right?"
5. "When did you realize you had a gift for choosing the wrong men?"
Slice answer: "I haven't participated in Bloomsday in probably 10 years, but I can never resist checking the finish time of 'the other Karen Arndt' and wishing I'd actually run myself," wrote Karen Arndt.
Another Slice answer: The following is from Karen Reinhart.
Q: What's your theory for the drop-off in Bloomsday participation this year?
A: Low interest rate.
Today's Slice question: Did the fact that you really should have been best man or maid of honor damage your friendship with the person getting married?
The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail email@example.com. Wanted: Lilac parade-watching tips from local people who have perfected the art.