Spokane

He's not really bad role model, porn star says
S&M stands for `Silly and Moronic' in this case, Doug Clark says.

Doug Clark
Staff writer

Spokane _ It's 1:30 a.m. and I am sitting in a back room office of a Spokane nightclub, watching a fat 47-year-old porn star eat pizza.

And they say there's not enough to do in this town.

"I'm just an average guy with a sense of humor and a penis," declares Ron Jeremy, between bites, of his 20 years performing sex acts for paychecks in 1,700 adult movies.

It's a fittingly weird end to an evening that began nearly five bleary hours ago. As part of my ongoing commitment to keeping you abreast of Spokane's soft underbelly, I stood in line to check out what newspaper ads have been billing for weeks as "Ron Jeremy's S&M Sideshow."

That's right, stood in line.

Hold a poetry reading and you'll be lucky if 14 souls show up. Yet here at Outback Jack's, 400 people paid 15 bucks a head to scream like rock fans for this X-rated old rascal.

"This is culture in Spokane," a woman named Angie notes cheerily.

Angie's gender, alas, is poorly represented. The crowd here is at least two-thirds male, which is kind of creepy. A sociologist could probably get a government grant and spend months studying this odd assortment of young and old, black and white, pierced and unpierced.

I spot a lawyer I know who left his suit and tie at home. Tonight he wears a leather jacket and do-rag on his head. "We came because we wanted to do something different," he tells me.

An elderly man holding onto a cane with one hand and a younger woman with the other hand hobbles by. "Porn knows no boundaries," observes the man standing next to me.

One drunken lug recognizes my face from the paper and hangs an arm around my shoulder as if we were fellow church deacons. With beery breath he explains the guy phenomenon this way: "Doug, you look at Ron Jeremy and it makes you think, `If he can do it, I can do it.' "

Jeremy is definitely more PU than GQ.

Despite his, um, profession, this is not the poster child for sexual prowess. Jeremy has a doughy, bearlike build. His black hair sprays out of his head with the random expression of a weed patch.

"Back when I had a waist I posed for `Playgirl,"' quips Jeremy. "Today they want me for `Field and Stream."'

Ba-doom ching!

People who have come to see Jeremy do what Jeremy does best are in for a letdown. Tonight they are seeing Ron Jeremy the touring stand-up comedian. Many of them leave grumbling after his first set.

No nudity here, folks. Washington liquor laws forbid it.

In this case, the S&M in Jeremy's act stands for "Silly & Moronic."

This is a show of dirty jokes, banana-eating contests, dirty jokes, pie-eating contests, dirty jokes ... During one segment, Jeremy convinces 11 women to come on stage to dance and act out some very suggestive scenarios for prizes.

Sure, the language and themes are Triple-X. But there was a lot more action going on with Clinton in the Oval Office than here at Outback Jack's.

"Careful," Jeremy tells one frisky blonde contestant who keeps unzipping her shirt. "We can't show too much."

An odd utterance considering the source.

Despite the lack of nudity, those who stay cheer the man like an anti-hero.

"It's not every day Ron Jeremy comes to town," says Eric, one of the many college-age fans who consider Jeremy something of an icon. After the show, for example, Jeremy spends the next hour posing for photographs at $10 a pop.

"This is a cult thing, not a sex thing" Jeremy explains when he finally comes in the office for post-show pizza.

Although he says he still performs in two adult movies a month, it is Jeremy's work outside the porn industry that has brought him his 15 minutes of crossover fame.

Jeremy rattles off a list of credentials that includes cameos in 15 rock 'n' roll videos and parts in dozens of mainstream movies. He was technical adviser on the hit movie "Boogie Nights." There is a line of Ron Jeremy T-shirts that sells well in skateboard shops, he says, and a brand of Ron Jeremy cigars.

The biggest shocker, however, comes when Jeremy tells me that he holds a master's degree and taught special education before romping around in front of a camera sans clothing.

Well, they do say teaching drives you nuts.

That happened when he was 25. A New Yorker, Jeremy tried to make it in legitimate theater "and one thing led to another." He admits he'd rather make it in real movies, but "that's so hard to do."

He's not a difficult guy to like. There's not a shred of attitude. At one point he grabs my notepad and jots down his address. "Send me a copy of what you write," he says. "Even if you trash me, I'd still like to read it."

The unmarried Jeremy says he knows he's disease-free thanks to the monthly testing that people in his line of work go through. "I don't do drugs. I rarely drink. I endorse college. I work hard at what I do," Jeremy adds. "When you think about it, I'm not a bad role model."

Whew! Just when you thought the evening couldn't get any weirder.

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