Current weather:  41° F   cloudy

sponsored by:

The Slice: A few more rules to gobble up

Paul Turner
Staff writer
November 22, 2007

It has come to my attention that I didn't quite cover everything last Thursday.

So today The Slice presents a Guide to Thanksgiving, Round 2.

Do: Go stand outside every once in a while, so you can come back in again and truly savor the kitchen aromas.

Don't: Track in dog droppings.

Do: Offer to go out and try to hunt down some whipped cream.

Don't: Do your pirate-speak voice and imagine that it sounds anything like a pilgrim.

Do: Tell your secrets for making exceptional gravy, pie crust or whatever.

Don't: Fail to notice when people stop listening.

Do: Note that the Detroit Lions are one of a tiny number of NFL/AFL teams that existed before the Super Bowl began but have yet to play in the big game.

Don't: Act surprised and say, "Hey, it seems like the Lions play every Thanksgiving." (They do, in fact. It has been that way for a long time.)

Do: Try to relax.

Don't: Go "gobble, gobble" while carving the bird.

Do: Aim to see if, for once in family history, your brothers can go 15 minutes without having an argument about the thermostat setting.

Don't: Get your hands or feet near the children's table.

Do: Debate which makes better holiday viewing, "It's a Wonderful Life" or "The Wizard of Oz."

Don't: Keep yelling, "Mr. Martini – how about some wine" or "And your little dog, too!"

Do: Express an interest in your host family's stories about childhood adventures.

Don't: Say things like, "So I guess she was always considered the pretty sister."

Do: Explain why Spokane is a good place to live, if you have guests from out of town.

Don't: Assume that everyone will understand why you are obsessed with alley garbage pick-up.

Do: Ask your daughter's boyfriend about his interests.

Don't: Say, "So what do you do at that party-school college when you aren't trying to get your sweaty paws on my little girl?"

Do: Tell where you were when you heard that JFK had been shot.

Don't: Turn that into a competition.

Do: Feel free to go beyond numbing small talk.

Don't: Start all your declarations with, "Things have been going downhill ever since …"

Do: Offer a toast.

Don't: Quote eggnog-curdling lines from "Deadwood" or "Glengarry Glen Ross."

•Today's Slice question: For what are you thankful?

back to top