Posted by Pia at Struggle with the Juggle at 27 Aug 3:01 PM:

Hey - don't do that! Strangers are already dropping off their dirty clothes. How do I know that? There is NO WAY two people can produce the amount of laundry I deal with.

Posted by Cindy H. at Struggle with the Juggle at 27 Aug 11:21 AM:

I'm all for delegating. In fact I've got a year's worth of ironing, I'll be dropping off at Pia's.

Posted by Pia at Struggle with the Juggle at 27 Aug 9:58 AM:

I multi-task, too, all the time - but I try to have a system: I do laundry while I cook a big meal, cause my washer/dryer is right next to the kitchen.
Laundry and cleaning goes together; car washing and gardening goes to gether; if anything needs ironing (I love shirts) I iron while I watch TV... that sort of thing.
I check e-mail, watch the news and read the paper at the same time every morning - I guess I just graze through all of it.
And I try to plan ahead to avoid the worst crunch times: I get up *really* early, before anyone else, so I have a little time for myself; when I leave the house in the morning, I usually know what's for dinner that night.
I don't have anyone to delegate to, either, so ultimately I'm the one who has to do what needs to be done :-)

Posted by Jennine at Struggle with the Juggle at 27 Aug 8:20 AM:

It's all very well to point out the problem of multi-tasking, as the author does, but if her only solution is to delegate, I doubt I'll buy her book. I do delegate as much as possible, but how does a single mother with a two year old do so? I know there are times when I can prioritize and slow down, but I still think a lot of people who write these self-help books are idealistic rather than practical.

Posted by Lori at When reading the news hurts… at 27 Aug 1:23 AM:

I saw a movie several years ago which made me change one of my strong beliefs. DEAD MAN WALKING was the portrayal of a man on death row and the nun who befriended him. The story, based on actual events, struck me to the core. I could not get the movie out of my head for days. It was based on a book which I had to read and purchased soon after. As it turns out, the movie was a compilation of several people on death row Sr. Helen Prejean has befriended over the years.

The story in the movie reached me so deeply because even though the man was convicted of heinous crimes (rape and murder), he was actually not the instigator of the events and was acting strongly on the persuasions of the other perpetrator. While I do not think that condones the behavior, the fact that the instigator of the crimes cut a deal with prosecutors for life in prison in exchange for his testimony against the other man, makes one wonder about the true facts of the case. Of course this was a movie only based on actual events, but these scenarios take place in today’s justice system. Criminals are commonly offered deals in exchange for testimony. This begs the question of whether someone who is capable of crimes like rape or murder possesses the moral compulsion to tell the truth, especially when bargaining for their life.

So after seeing this movie and watching the poor, sad soul marched into the death chamber, I decided that I was actually against the death penalty. My argument has always been summed up in these questions. If one of my loved ones was killed, would I want their murderer to die? The answer is a wholehearted YES. However, if it was my loved one who did the murdering, would I want them to die? That answer, of course, is a resounding NO. The discrepancy in my answers seems like a double standard, having it both ways so to speak. For that reason, I could not support the death penalty any longer. All extenuating circumstances and individual case particulars aside, if I wouldn’t sentence any and all murderers to death, then I could not support the death penalty.

At least that’s how I felt for many years.

Enter Joseph Duncan. Duncan shouldn’t even be called a “criminal” for that is too kind. Criminals steal things, commit assault, and even kill people sometimes. Duncan’s crimes are those that if thought about too long, one might start worrying about the state of humanity, that if this kind of thing can happen in today’s society, can we really go on living in this world? You can’t simply recount all the crimes this man has committed, because to use plain terms to describe what he has done seems to reduce it all into something plain. And there is nothing plain or regular or even typical about these crimes. Nothing as unbelievable as the Duncan case should be reduced to mere words. Perhaps if the words could be etched with pain for the family ripped apart. Perhaps if words could hold the wounds little Shasta will carry in her soul forever. Perhaps if words could shed the tears for a father whose heart shall never be whole again. Perhaps if words could wrap comfort around a scared little boy, a mother, a brother, a family friend, all whose lives were taken so abruptly.

This is not to say words aren’t powerful. They are. And there is one thing about this case that can be reduced to mere words. Words I never thought I would think let alone write from my heart. These words won’t bring a family back together or dry their tears, but maybe they could bring a small light, a small salvation, a small amount of healing. These words are, as plain as you can see, Joseph Duncan shall be executed.

As a person, I wonder how this evil can exist in the world. As a mother, I wonder what my son will face in 5 years, 10 years, if this kind of evil is already here today. And as a mother I can also say that if my son were the perpetrator of such evil, I am not sure I would feel the same about the punishment as I do for Joseph Duncan. Luckily I do not have to answer that, and hopefully I never will. All I can say right now is that Joseph Duncan has changed my views on the death penalty. The idea of this man living forever in prison, eating three meals a day, sleeping in a bed at night, breathing, seems like a far more heinous crime against humanity than that committed by Duncan himself.

Posted by debbie g. at Moving forward... at 25 Aug 4:39 PM:

maybe you could do one of those snazzy inserts or cutouts that is like a map and has parent resources in the region to launch the new name?

Posted by Shannon Sullivan at Struggle with the Juggle at 25 Aug 4:27 PM:

I have to admit; I am the queen of multi-tasking.

There is no way I could get everything I have to do with out doing at 3 ormore things. I am sure this is the case with most parents, but in a single mother home, there is just not enough time in the day.

I do agree that when doing 500 things at once, I miss about 499 of them.

Maybe someone will have some helpful hints for parents like me!! :)

Posted by Ken Paulman at Moving forward... at 25 Aug 3:00 PM:

I think we have ourselves a winner - stay tuned for the ensuing shameless promotion...

Posted by debbie g. at Moving forward... at 25 Aug 2:24 PM:

i do like 'are we there yet' a lot because i never knew kids actually said that... until i became a parent. "Are we there yet? How much longer? What town is this? Why is it called that? What town is this? How much longer? Are we there yet? Is this it? Where are we? Why are there so many trees? I can't see anything. My trees are taller than you trees. So, I have more trees on my side. Mine are greener. Mine smell better. He's touching me. Nuh-uh, she bumped into me on purpose. I did not. MOM! Are we there yet? What town is this? I'm hungry. This is boring. Where are we? Are we going to drive forever?"

maybe a subtitle: Are We There Yet: A Parental Roadmap or something like that?

Posted by garyc at Moving forward... at 25 Aug 11:46 AM:

Leaving nothing to chance, how about:

"Parents With Children"

Come on, make it "Are We There Yet?" -- you can always mention "parents" in a subtitle)

Posted by Laurie Rogers at When reading the news hurts… at 25 Aug 7:37 AM:

A fascinating analysis of the nature of evil can be found in Lance Morrow's book “Evil.” Morrow, a longtime writer for TIME Magazine, is a brilliant writer and a deeply thoughtful essayist. The book is a truly fine read for interested adults.

Two other excellent books, which I have recommended to dozens of people, are Gavin de Becker's “The Gift of Fear” and his follow-up “Protecting the Gift.” Both are thoughtful, kind and empowering. “Protecting the Gift,” in particular, teaches parents how to protect their children (and how to teach children to protect themselves) without turning them into fearful citizens.

Like Jennine, I won't teach my daughter that life is evil. Life is good, and many people are kind. But knowledge is power. With understanding comes wisdom. As my daughter grows up, she has to become aware. Most people are good and kind, but a few aren’t, and we don’t always know which are which. We must pay attention to our surroundings, be smart about our behavior, learn how to defend ourselves, and learn to trust our gut feelings.

We all hope our children will be safe, but as Gen. Gordon Sullivan wrote: “Hope is not a method.”

Posted by Jennine at When reading the news hurts… at 24 Aug 8:51 PM:

For every Duncan there are millions upon millions of people who are good and kind and loving. Yes, there is evil in the world, but there is good and it's all around us. If we let people like him keep us locked in our houses and keep our children planted in front of screens all day for fear that the boogie man is there, then they've won even when they aren't there. I don't have to read every sordid detail to have picked up some very nasty information. I am well aware, more aware than I want to be, about the dangers that lurk around the next corner, but I am not going to let somebody like this who comes around so rarely that we can name each of them rule my way of thinking. My heart goes out to the Groene family and every time I open the paper I say a prayer for that little girl, but that doesn't mean we have to teach our children how evil life is.

Posted by Laurie at When reading the news hurts… at 24 Aug 8:24 PM:

I sympathize with Jennifer’s dilemma. As a Canadian, with far leftist parents, I was raised to be vehemently opposed to the death penalty. Like many opponents, I was focused on the rights of the accused (and on my rosy vision of myself as tolerant, understanding, noble, kind, forgiving, etc., etc.). I didn’t focus as much on the victims because it seemed exploitative. (Looking back on it, however, I think it was just harder.)

As my worldview expanded, however, I found I had to revisit the issue. There were many flaws in my thinking. My standard arguments didn’t prepare me for people like Joseph Duncan, Paul Bernardo, Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, David Berkowitz, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy and so many others.

When I made a more concerted effort to keep the victims and their experiences in the forefront of my thinking, my approach to the death penalty began to shift. It wasn’t a comfortable shift, I can tell you. Eventually, it stopped being all about “tolerance,” “rehabilitation,” “prevention” and “recidivism.” It became more about “What constitutes justice in this case?” and “How do we best protect our children and our society?”

Given those questions, perhaps the answers aren’t so difficult to determine.

Posted by Jennifer at When reading the news hurts… at 24 Aug 2:36 PM:

I am not a parent yet, but I am a middle school teacher, and this story has really, really broken my heart. I was a reporter before becoming an English teacher, and it was stories like this that made me leave the business. I just could not handle it.

After reading some of the details of the case, I immediately wished I hadn't. I will not read anything else with an editor's warning on it.

This story actually makes me scared to have children because I would be so incredibly fearful of something awful happening to them. I really hope there will be some kind of counseling available to the jury when the trial is over. I cannot imagine what they are going through, and I commend them for playing an important role in getting justice for the Groene family and all of Duncan's victims.

I have been opposed to the death penalty most of my life, but this case has me thinking otherwise. This monster needs to be removed from the Earth immediately. He is not human, just evil.

Posted by debbie g. at When reading the news hurts… at 24 Aug 11:32 AM:

this is one of those stories that i have to take in short doses. Partly i want to read it to honor the kids and their family and know 'we will not forgot' and partly it's like touching a tooth that hurts, exploring how much pain humans can endure and still survive somehow. And I hope it is a story of survival for Shasta and how the rest of her life will be a 'reward' worthy of all she has and will continue to endure. At the same time we have to balance the fact that there are humans out there dead set on wreaking havoc and with no regard for human life ... but that we need to live our lives and not be paralyzed by fear and anxiety and seeing the bogeyman around every corner.

Posted by debbie g. at Moving forward... at 24 Aug 11:25 AM:

Why not the title that is in the paper version,
'Parental Guidance' but maybe
"Parental Guidance Suggested' or
"Parental Guidance Needed' or
something like that?

Posted by Sarah Bain at Moving forward... at 24 Aug 9:25 AM:

It's not fair!
Why me? or for parents,
Parents, Why us?
K-i-s-s-i-n-g...how did we get from there to here?
...because I told you so...
The 21st century family
Why how our parents parented doesn't make sense any more...

Posted by Lisa P. at Back-to-school shopping at 23 Aug 10:11 PM:

We recycle some of our school supplies. At the end of the school year, I go through the stuff they bring home and get it ready for the next year. Usually, colored pencils can be sharpened and so can many crayons. There may also be pencils and boxes, erasers and rulers that are salvageable.

Posted by Suzanne at When reading the news hurts… at 23 Aug 10:18 AM:

I was jolted out of my middle America mindset when I became a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate). Already a parent and a teacher, I thought I understood the dynamics of how we nurture, protect and do whatever is best for our children. Not only was I naive, but I was terribly wrong. There is a very present evil in human society that preys on the most vulnerable. It is impossible to understand and I will never accept it, however it is imperative that we equip ourselves with the knowledge to prevent these situations from occuring. Knowledge and awareness are power and it is our responsibility, no matter how difficult it is,to face the facts and understand what we are up against. I am hoping that the Duncan case will give the words "pedophile" and "predator" a whole new meaning to thousands of people.

Posted by Kathy K. at Moving forward... at 22 Aug 8:18 PM:

I like the previously suggested "Friends of the Family",
"Family Forum" and "Family Village."

"Are We There Yet?" is witty, but will anyone besides S-R writers and this current group quickly understand it? A parent blog probably needs the word "parent" or "family" somewhere in the title.

I'm a fan of regional titles, like "Pacific Northwest Parents" or "Parenting in the PNW".

Posted by Kathryn at Back-to-school shopping at 22 Aug 12:53 PM:

We don't do a whole "back to school" wardrobe.. We've been very blessed with hand me downs so we do okay wardrobe wise. We usually get ONE new outfit (this year, grandma gave them each new shirts and one of my boys might need a pair of jeans), and new shoes. Other than that, just the basic school supplies.. WE don't spend anywhere NEAR $600.. (Of course, we don't have huge wardrobes either, if the boys have a couple pairs of jeans and sweat pants thats usually sufficient..)

Posted by alexa at When reading the news hurts… at 22 Aug 9:59 AM:

we come upon horror and violence and a different type of plain evil time and again. ted bundy stalked so many of us in florida. always someone whose 'wiring' seems totally flawed and this is their response. I am reading in a very gingerly manner. I don't want images that will add to this. I have a difficult enough time knowing those poor children were frightened, alone with a maniac and only one lived, while the other had to observe and try to get the killer to like her enough to save herself. the scars will never heal for her. newspaper people have to do things that most of us never consider when we rant: their jobs.
bless us all. keep us safe. love your families. Evil lurks.

Posted by Kathy at When reading the news hurts… at 22 Aug 9:25 AM:

Oh, Shannon, your story brings tears to my eyes. What horror everyone has gone through because of this evil man. It does make me so incredibly cautious and protective of my 18 month old son.

Even in buying our home in Spokane recently, I looked for a house with a very private backyard, because Duncan reportedly first saw Shasta and Dylan while they ran through the sprinkler in the yard.

Posted by Shannon Sullivan at When reading the news hurts… at 22 Aug 9:15 AM:

I am a local process server, in late September of 2006, I received a call from a client that needed me to serve a "very delicate" case. When I arrived at the office, I was in shock. It was Duncan!!

My heart fell to my knees. Earlier that year I had attended and spoke at a benefit for Shasta. There I met Steve Groene my heart and prayers went out to this man. I can only imagine his pain.

The lawsuit I was to serve was to block Duncan from making any money from his story.

Scared, trembling, and angry I headed out to CDL. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to do this. No one was that man going to make money off what he had done!!

After 3.5 hours of arguing with the Sheriffs office there, (they had strict instructions not to let anyone see him, but I knew legally that they could not stop me from serving him) I kept up the persistence.

I had hoped that the Deputies would serve him for me, usually they will. But not this time.

Finally, I was face to face with Duncan. He asked what I wanted, I informed him I was a process server there to serve him, he responded by making a quick leap at the glass. (I almost wet my pants, there was NO doubt I was in the presence of evil!!!) He said he was not going to accept the paper, I told him he had no choice. I was a registered process server with the state of Washington and even if he did not want them, HE HAD BEEN SERVED!!

There was no one else in either room, only glass separated me from evil. I could not help but think of my own son, also named Dylan.

I wanted to tell him how I felt. But I knew that I couldn't. There was no way I was going to jeopardize the court case, after all, I had been there for hours.

Getting out of there was my only thought, I ran out of the jail all the way to my van. Once safe inside, I burst out into tears, my hands still shaking. Crying all the way back to Spokane, all I could think about was Shasta and my own son.

I prayed that God would keep both of them safe, and that Duncan would pay for what he had done, not only legally, but in hell where he belongs!!

To answer the question, yes, I follow the case. Betsy is an brave woman, I am sure this trail is not easy on the mind or heart!! I thank her for her articles.

Posted by Laura at When reading the news hurts… at 22 Aug 6:20 AM:

I have been reading Betsy's account and it is compelling. It has been hard to take and very difficult for me to understand how such evil exists among us. I pray for Dylan, Shasta and Steve. My heart aches for that family. I wish that there is something that I could do for them. All I can say is what a world we live in. God bless the Groene family and rest in peace sweet Dylan.